I have been pondering this the last few weeks. My husband recently worked long 12 hour days for 3 weeks and I was home after my own 9 hour shift, alone with both my children. Boy, do they know how to push some buttons. Having an Early Childhood Education background, I found myself throwing everything that I was trained and educated to do with regards to solving issues with my children out the window, like it never exsisted. I was yelling. I could feel my blood pressure rise, and I had literally lost control of myself. Doing that made me feel like an awful mom. I reached out to a page on Facebook called "It Takes a Village", on there are friends and old classmates and people I have never met in my entire life. I asked them for "HELP!" After consulting with them, I found that I was not alone! I am not the only mother in this world that has literally lost it and reached my breaking point of having no patience what so ever. So I have decided to share my thoughts about it with you. Some thoughts and ideas that may help you with appropriate methods of disciplining your child. I believe we are all guilty of spanking at one point or another, but is that truly the answer? Here are some things that I have read on and would like to share.
The word "discipline" comes from the Old French and originally meant "instruction given to a disciple." That's still a pretty accurate description, actually: discipline really is a form of teaching. We're supposed to model for children how to behave maturely and responsibly, even when we're upset or angry — especially then. I grew up in a household, that if you talked back, slammed a door, or disrespected your parents, you had better run because it was either a spoon or a belt coming your way.
Let's talk about different ways of disciplining and what methods really work best?
TIMEOUTS:
According to the Journal Clinical Pediatrics 45% of parents reported using timeouts.
Timeouts are recommended for toddlers and younger children. The purpose is to isolate or separate the child for a short period of time (usually 5 to 10 minutes or depending on their age) in order to allow the child to calm down, as well as to discourage inappropriate behavior.
Time-outs may be on a chair, step, corner or any other location where there are no distractions. The child should be old enough to sit still and is required to remain there for a fixed period as a punishment and to allow them time to reflect on their actions and consequences of it. The procedure has been recommended as a time for parents to separate feelings of anger toward the child for their misbehavior, replacing yelling with a calmer and more predictable approach.
To be most effective, parents should evaluate each situation to determine what may be causing the misbehavior, such as a toy, frustration, hunger or lack of sleep. Parents should also explain why the child was put there, in order to make it an opportunity for learning, and how long he needs to stay there (but too much explanation can reinforce the unwanted behavior).
In some views, the only requirement for release is for the child to be sitting peacefully, while others advocate a set period of time. When the child has calmed down, they may then express their needs in a more polite manner or return to their activity.
I have also heard of parents taking timeouts (mommy timeout, etc.) and showing their child that it is ok to step away from the situation and to calm down.
SPANKING:
My parents were spankers. They always insisted that they hated doing it, that it hurt them more than it hurt us, and I always fully believed them. I still do. I never felt abused or harmed. I never doubted that they loved me. I never doubted their gentleness. Spanking was a punishment that was delivered upon my sisters and I when we breached certain family rules, like [...] acting in any way that might bring harm to ourselves or to each other. It didn’t happen often, but when it did, we knew well in advance what was coming. It never came as a surprise, and it was never meted out in the heat of anger.
So what is spanking teaching your children?
I know I've been pushed to the limits more than once, I can see losing your temper so completely that you hit before coming to your senses. I am sure some of you are thinking "Oh, right, we don't hit people." Right? Isn't that one of the first things you teach your child, when they venture out into the world? You don't hurt people's feelings, and you ask before you take someone else's things, and you DON'T hit.
I was the child in a spanking household, I was the child that would lie like crazy, just to avoid a spanking.
My husband and I have discussed this many times about whether it is or is not appropriate. We use spanking in our household if and when you do something that was asked of you more than once, when you do something that is inappropriate and when you do something that puts you or someone else in danger. These 3 things are not tolerated in our house.
My husband had this great idea when we became parents as our children have gotten bigger, it is "If you lie, you are in more trouble than you would be if you told the truth." I really liked that idea and it has worked well with our children. Everyone has a different discipline techinique and everyone has a right to choose the way you discipline your children. That said, I don't think that people who spank their kids do so out of malice, and I would never presume to declare that someone else's style of parenting is wrong. My parents did spank, and to my memories of being spanked, they were hardly traumatic.
Here are some other great tips from Modern Parents Messy Kids:
I think these are great and has given me a good perspective on what to expect from my children at such a young age.
http://www.modernparentsmessykids.com/2012/03/parenting-cliff-notes-no-cry-discipline.html#more
What discipine techniques do you use?
Do you find that they work effectively?
Do you think children should be spanked in order to learn from their mistakes?
Please share your thoughts in the comments below.
No comments:
Post a Comment